Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Help me, what is this?

Well I kind of have a cycle with doing things like this on and off but right now it's really bad and I can't function at all. I feel like everything I do, I have to make a list for. If I am doing an activity I have to think of what other things I could possibly do, how I could do it better, or what ways I can change it, or am I doing it perfectly enough. I make lists in my mind of all the things I need to think about and all the ways i need to change. For example I will look around the room and think is everything in place, and do I need to change the organization of the room, and do I need to clean the room in any way, and do I need to make things neater by like washing them. I'll look through my clothes and think whether I need to clip hanging threads off them or not. I'll look at myself in the mirror and from head to toe about 40 times make lists of what I could change--ways I could make certain things look better, clothes I need to buy, products I need to get, and I make sure if I went through my routine of getting dressed correctly. Not to mention my problem with skin picking, I spend hours picking at miniscule things on my skin which makes my skin all red, and I do it over and over because it's not perfect enough. My mind is constantly running, thinking about if I've thought about everything I should think about, if everything's perfect, if anything needs to change, etc. I can't get myself to do any activity because I have to think about doing it and weighing the alternatives thoroughly and by the time I get done with that I don't have any will to do it. I can't get myself out the door. I sit in my dorm room all day and it drives me crazy because my mind is constantly running about if the room is clean enough and things like that. But I can't get myself out the door because there are so many more alternatives and lists to be made outside the small space of my room. it's killing me and I'm dropping out of college because I can't get to my classes. Help.

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